The Crossroads In Life

In the poem The Road Not Taken, Robert Frost writes about a time in his life where he has to pick between two roads.

One is worn and trodden, travelled by many.

The other is empty and wild. Beautiful, but more uncertain.

He made a choice, and now looking back he tells us he 'should be telling things with a sigh'. His choice - his road in life - has been transversed and weighted out with the benefit of hindsight: 'it has made all the difference'.


I am at that fork in the woods. In a week's time Form 6 will come, sweeping me up in a discordant wraft of sound and fury, activities and friendships, love and hate. In those two years I have to make up my mind about where I want to go - what I want to do. I am supposed to pick a career I am most passionate about - a career that is an ideal fit to my strengths and weaknesses.

In two years I am to decide my life.

Amazing considering I've no bliddy ambition. At 6 I proudly proclaimed I wanted to be a scientist. Then I realized that scientists didn't make much money - they stooped over bar charts and graphs and chunks of data that tell stories of their own. Terribly boring job, unless I somehow get employed by North Korea to create the next Taepodong. *evil grin*


At 10 I wanted to be an entrepreneur. I still do, though I believe my Ultimate Business Plan of selling pirated copies of Windows will fail ... eventually. Vista is a tough nut to crack, as well as the syndicates in China. Maybe if I demand protection money from some of their factories ...

At 15 I wanted to be a computer programmer. Then I found out the India had the largest software market in the world, and that they produced 16-year-old Microsoft Certified Software Engineers. My God! I screamed, Explain to me why these Indians know C++ at age 13?!!

I'm still interested in programming, and I'm sure I want to do something related to computers. But ...

"Play to your strengths, you must." Ms Chong says, lightly waving the lightsaber in my face, "Cut your *insert imaginative word* off I will, if humiliation you bring to your school."

So ...

What Am I Passionate About?

1. People. I love working with them. Talking to them. Looking at a crowd and knowing behind each face is a collection of yearnings and hopes and dreams. Getting to know them one by one, understanding what makes them tick. Why they do the things they do, why they say the things they say.

2. Computers. Back in St Thom Kenny, Tay and I managed to troubleshoot most of the class's computer problems. Each of us were good in different areas, and if Tay couldn't solve something it was likely either Kenny or I could. Incidentally, 3 of us were sent on any computer related competitions Cikgu Yusof could get his hands on. Great times, those.

3. Debate. I see a case line and immediately I see many things. I see a rebuttal and I subconsciously reword it to maximum effect. I love POIs. Am proud of my track record of making people look stupid. Am not so proud of my early aggression.

4. Writing. Been writing since I was 7 years old. Gotten better with each manuscript. Last one I did I made Paul addicted for 3 whole days. He tells me I should publish. I think I've yet to create believable characters worthy of attention. At least now I no longer write anticlimaxes.

5. Art. Music, books, mostly. Can't for the life of me understand the true beauty of Picasso's work. But I know what I want in books, and I feel good when I'm savouring and digesting the themes a particularly good novel presents me. I'm still addicted to concertos and symphonies from the Baroque period. Yeah - go on and blame my taste, I'll take my time before I succumb to the Romantics.

You can tell I'm messed up from the above list. I should be a lawyer, but I hate debate (in addition to loving it), plus I don't want to argue for the rest of my life.

I want to work with people, but I also want to work with computers. These two are mutually exclusive, aren't they?

I want to be a writer ... how many Malaysian writers besides Tash Aw and Rani Manicka have made it big internationally? Kankenai. But what would it take to push me off the edge and make me refuse to go into a 'proper' career?

Art is more of a hobby. Don't expect anything to come from it, though maybe a review here ... a review there ...

The Culmination

I face myself in the mirror. "Admit it: there are so many things you want to do."

My reflection is silent, brooding. Then it nods.

"And there are many things you're passionate about."

He looks back at me. We both know the answer.

"What are you afraid of?" I ask again. I begin to tap my fingers on the marble tabletop.

The room is still. The boy in the mirror is introspective, uncomfortable. Out of the depths of his soul he replies ... his arms are crossed, his eyes are dark, worried - he replies:

"Mediocrity."