Happy Chinese New Year

Did I Mention That The Internet

is a good escape for Writer's Block? This is Boxxy by the way. She's 16, she's hyper ADD, and she's caused a civil war on the Internet.



She's also really cute. Yes odd post this, by my standards. *suppresses urge to include cute pouty emote* Normal content coming back as soon as I can start writing properly again. Le sigh.

I Have Writers Block

Hello little red gash on side of head.

Long time no see! I've missed you. I used to have lots of gashes just like you. Not that you're not special, I'm sure you are. You're your own little red gash. An individual in your own right. But, well, there was this time last year, see, when I was going Judo very very often, and there were always little red marks like you all over the place. Judo's rough. Always has been. Got one over my left eye like Kakashi when Tang threw me and landed on my face. Now that hurt. You don't hurt. I like you already.

I'm back at Judo again. Probably explains why you're there at the side of my head. I want to represent Sarawak one last time, before I head off to college (and a potentially non-dojo existence). I want to win. Or at least I think I want to - but today at the dojo my arms felt like wood and my throws weren't fluid and I got armbarred four times in two minutes. I was so so tired after two rounds on the mat. How pathetic is that? I used to have the best technique in my weight group, but now even Osotogari feels forced. Like I hadn't put two years of work behind that throw. I'm scared.

I'm scared of going up against all those black belters again. You know they're black now, right? Well yeah, I'm brown, but I haven't upgraded and I'm trying not to upgrade because I don't think I'm as good as any of them and I'm not fit to be brown and Sensei says he's coming in April to upgrade all the brown belters to black and that's just really scary. It's just ... well every competition I panic. I blank out and my throws regress into their stupid little stiff white belter versions. It doesn't matter that I'm okay in training - in competition they all look like the fake moves with the fancy names like the Chopslam or the Noodle Ball you see on WWE. Okay maybe I made the Noodle Ball up, but only because I'm hungry. And don't look at me like that. You know they're fake too. But anyway I don't have mental strength. It's not easy to face somebody else on the mat in competition. It's also not easy to know that your coach is at the side and if you lose he'll be so so dissapointed. And you know how Judo feels like after eating and sleeping and studying for two months? It feels shitty. It feels like swimming in a septic tank. A viscous septic tank. I'll let your imagination do the rest.

I'm tired. Did I mention that? I'm tired and hungry. And overweight. I need to jog roughly 6kg off to be back in competitive shape, and Tim told me at training tonight that in Penang they did 4km or Else. So I'll have to do intensive 4km too or Else. Sucks when you know how much the others in Malaysia train, no?

I unbandaged quite quickly today. Only two other injuries, other than you. Tripped when I fought just now. Sore ankle. And my knee's gone all weird too, after I knocked it against Malcolm's something (okay it was very fast okay and I couldn't see what I hit other than it hurt). It's probably going to bruise tomorrow. But I'll live. I'm slowly raising the amount of Judo I do, because the people who came back for state team training last year after their SPMs all got injured. Scary to see so many people breaking and pulling things. I hope I'll be safe. I hope I can play well this year. I hope many things.

Good night little red gash on side of head. Now go heal fast and disappear soon thank you.

Photolog: Playing With Light

I don't get photography. Different people take photographs for different reasons - some want to create pretty little things; others want to capture moments, still others want to tell stories. Photography can be all those things, and more. But I don't know what I see in it.

I'll be writing about photography soon, here at this blog. The piece I have in mind is in bits and pieces at the moment - some of them ideas, not ready for conversion to prose; some of them tactile curls of knowledge that I know are too little to write about. But that's off topic. This here photolog was taken a few days back between 12 to 2am, when I was bored stiff and tripod-sakai. They are photographs of the artificial light-sources in my house, at night.

Wall lamp. Staircase.

Night from my bedroom window. Most phone conversations have me staring out at this very neighbourhood.

USB cable and other electronic ephemera, neon glow from fan underbelly.

Upstairs desktop. Sister's thumbdrive. Cross.

This lamp sits at possibly the most central place in the whole house. Keys, pens, phones, thumb drives, charging docks. We grab and go.

Look at this post. Look at the lack of emotions, look at the the lack of stories. I don't like still-lives. Nothing to say with these pictures, folks, move along.