Snake!

I had freaked earlier this morning. Akong was supposed to visit and bring me out to lunch (damn, i can take care of myself, you guys stop pampering me!) and i was indoors working on add math.

Now, Akong isn't really my 'akong' as the word means. I don't know how i'm related to him, but it can't be by blood, coz that would mean i'm eurasian (he's half Portuguese, and i'm damn sure i'm not). At any rate, we're pretty close - there was this one time when we both tricked my granma into believing that we were going to buy nails, when in actual fact we popped over to McDs and had McFlurries (i think that's how its spelt - long time no eat). Another time when a phone call came and i passed it to him.

"Eh? Eurasian annual dinner? Eh ... No. These days my back is acting up, and i can't stand the pain ..."

The lady was immediately sorry she called and backed out of the invite. Akong looked at me. I looked back. Then we both howled with laughter.

Back to the present, back to the present - he honked, and i opened the gate. Coming out, i saw two things: his white car was reflecting hot sunlight and blinding me, and he was holding a bag of pastries.

But he was pointing at the gate.

"Who put the snake there?" He asked.

Thinking back, it seemed like an awfully stupid statement to make, but then both of us usually pulled pranks on each other like old british schoolboys (if there exists such a thing). I went and looked.

And got a shock.

It was a five foot long, wickedly black (and here wicked means evil looking and not the Brit form of saying cool), totally huge, amazingly fat snake.

I thought it was a fake plastic thing. Akong thought otherwise. I boiled water. He prodded it with a stick i procured. I was visibly shaken by that thing appearing when i was home alone. He seemed relaxed, as if we were having tea or something.

Then we poured the boiling water all over it. No reaction. "Its dead!" Akong announced, and seemingly confirmed my suspicions that it was an elaborate plastic set-up.

I voiced my doubts. He shook his head, saying: "The bugger's real, i tell you, real!"

I sighed. We took a parang and hacked it to bits. Then i realised it was real, and there was blood gushing all over the tiles. Damn.

A neighbour drove by and slowed down, staring. We both waved, as if we were gardening or something. He continued staring, then realised he had work to go to and drove off again. Poor man.

We disposed of it and went for lunch, both suggesting theories on how what the hell it was doing in my front gate. I was wondering what would happened if the dog was loose. Dog vs snake. Who would win? Hmm.