Spirit Or Stupidity

My last conscious thought was "Thank God it's not Osaekomi."

And then there was a bright rush of colour and an absence of sound, and I was free and it was peaceful and I was not on a mat. I was flying: that was it ... that was the only explanation. There was a bright light; heck, there were lots of bright lights, and then the images started, flashing sepia and beautiful. Most were too quick for me to snatch and hold, to remember, but there were a few: one was a ferris wheel, swinging in reverse; and then a city at night, from above; and feet ... moving feet, to and fro. To and fro. Sensei's face broke in. To and fro. What is he doing here? To and fro, interrupting my peacefulness? To and fro.

I was brought up to my feet, my vision of the dojo swimming. The green was too green, Max was too round, the voices rushing back into my head.

"What happened?" I croaked. My throat felt raw. It hurt. I realized the match wasn't over, that in all probability I would need to fight again. My shoulders tensed ...

"He choked you. You blacked out."

... and relaxed. I had lost. Lost, and gotten a hell of an experience in the process.

Stumble, stumble, back onto the floor, the solid, solid ground, and then Tay was next to me, one of those rare times I've seen him worried, his voice gentle: "Are you okay? Your face blue."

I waved him away, ("Okay, okay.") the pain in my back excruciating.

Opinion on what happened was split two ways: people like Tang and Tim (who choked me) thought my spirit was amazing, that I didn't want to give up in the middle of a choke. Others like Frankie and Vivienne thought I was stupid - "Kenapa tidak tap out?"

And you know what? I don't know which one I was. Maybe I was strong, never wanting to give up, wanting to win. But the truth was that it felt more like I was stupid. Pick up and move on.

The pictures in my head, though, were quite something. A ferris wheel in reverse? Something is miswired up there, I swear.