Don't Be Afraid

I've been spending a lot of time with Madan and Zakil recently. They're both med students, the two of only three Malaysians (that managed to get into the program) in our year.


(That's Madan on the left, by the way. I don't have any good photos of Zakil - the one photo that I do like is of him holding up a human skull to the front of his face, and as you can imagine that's not particularly flattering.)

So we're walking back from dinner at the Science Canteen, and we meet Reuben - this Sabahan who's currently studying Physics at NUS. And he's distraught. He's upset. He can't get any As in his course, try as he might, and he is very unhappy about it. He's almost always unhappy when we see him, about one thing or another. The course is tough on him.

Madan hears him out. Zakil and I make Russell Peter jokes. And then we board the bus and we head back.

Somewhere along the way Zakil takes over the role as counselor, and I have a talk with Madan.

"Do you ever think, do you believe that he might -" (here I gestured at Reuben) "- get so depressed and stressed that he might kill himself?"

"No la," Madan says, "He's just going through a tough patch. He keeps feeling jealous about the other people in his class who can get As."

We walk for a bit more.

"I mean - I was like that too, when I first came to NUS. I was so frightened by all the other people in the class, all the Singaporeans. They seemed to know so much more than me. It was like - what was I doing here?"

"Really?!" I say, surprised. "But I was like that too! I was constantly watching all the other people in the course, and I was scared. Like - how can I ever get an A -"

"With all these people who are so pro around right?"

"Yes."

We continue walking.

"But in the end, I realized that it's dumb to be scared. That's nothing I can do about it what. And if I can't get As, that's alright. As long as we learn enough so we can go out to be good doctors."

"Or good computer scientists," I say, smiling a little, because that's what I'm training to be, "Or good physicists."


Life is better this way.